For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 13-14
Nothing is hidden from the Lord’s sight.
He is God, and He knows me.
Perhaps you’re like me and are very aware of the current time of the year. It’s baby season. At any given day, I can name about 40 different friends of mine that are currently expecting mommies. Each month there are more births, and each month there are more announcements. Praise the Lord of HEAVEN for His wonderful works! I love watching bellies grow, gender announcements, name choosing, the first tired pictures of mommy in the hospital, and the expressions of all the closest faces gazing down at the tiny bundle in their arms. It’s so beautiful to me.
Like most girls, I love to savor the milestones of life. My mom had a “40th Birthday Surprise” that we now call Scotty. As a 12 year old, I can vividly remember each precious moment from SO MUCH MORE than a big sister’s perspective. In many ways, I feel like I have mothered once before. The good, the hard, those tear-jerking firsts… Scotty has taken a piece of my heart.
Maybe this is why each birthing newsfeed/text/phone call tugs at my heart in such an emotional way. I am able to fervently recall something that, in actuality, I haven’t been able to call my own. Perhaps that’s why I relish in the details… my heart remembers… my heart longs for it again. My soul recognizes the void that Scotty helped create. I know that by both nature and nurture I have been designed to be a mother.
God placed me on this planet for various reasons that, out of His GOODNESS, He has graciously made clear. I can honestly say that God could strip me of everything and as long as I was living the life of ministry He has burdened me towards, my spirit would, in the end, be sweetly satisfied. But how we serve a mighty Lord! He has finely shaped each of us into multifaceted vessels of glory! Another one of my slivers of holy designation is to be a mother. I KNOW this. I can be in a room with 20 adults, and somehow within 3 minutes, all of their children have found their way towards me…. and I LOVE it. Friends, this is not bragging. This is recognizing something that the Lord has put within me…. and it is only natural that, as a 27 year old woman, I have found myself at a constant conscious state of desiring for my gift to be put into a daily tool of praise.
But it is not my time.
The Lord has not yet delivered motherhood. And my lips exalt Him for it, despite my understanding. My contentment cannot be based upon my timeline. Joy is a choice. And I’m so humbled that God would even let me choose joy, because it is so much more consequential that way. Furthermore, my closeness to the Lord only grows stronger the more I feel that He tells me “not yet,” because it forces me to depend on Him… and that is a beautiful state to reside within. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me like that.
God, I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a perfect creation of grandeur– a work of fame for Your namesake. Help me wait with expectation for the mighty works of Your hand and love.
I just recently stumbled across this beautiful song, and I’d love to share it with all of you. May you be blessed!♥